Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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