I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
