How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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