remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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