If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
