Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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