I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize