New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We talked him into tasing himself.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
