My nipple is on Facebook.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
