The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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