I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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