I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
