When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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