I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
