My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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