apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
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Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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