I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
