Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
