The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
