Christians are straight up FREAKS
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
