You made me cry and you don't even care
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
