i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
