just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
