she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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