i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
