HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
