we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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