His hands were made for my vagina.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
