I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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