i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
