So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
