Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
