yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
