I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
