I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
