I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize