if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You took a bar mat shot.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
