Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
