double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
