sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
