I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He shit in the fireplace
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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