his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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