i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
