A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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