out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
