Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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