His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
