Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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