I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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