My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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