Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
