in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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