Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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