I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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