If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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