I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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