stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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