words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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