I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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