It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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