Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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