I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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