I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
