Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
