So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
