never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
