someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
