so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
