GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
