Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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