U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
